COMING OUT STORY - RUI
Strangely, there are no villains in this story.
It is actually quite weird to refer to my life experiences as “coming out” (wait, probably shouldn’t be saying this as one of the creators of this segment). I don’t really understand this terminology but let me explain.
I say this a lot and it is funny how it makes more sense every time - I was lucky enough to be born in a “love bubble”. My mom raised my sister and I using the only language she knows: the language of love. Every word, every gesture, every moment was filled with love. Every time I encounter a hard or unpleasant situation I still hear my mom’s beautiful and calm voice saying “answer with love”. And many times throughout life I forced myself to give love away, even when I thought I had nothing but sadness and anger.
Free advice: if you are in a situation that triggers those unpleasant feelings, stop for a minute and shift your attention to love instead. Usually, love is exactly what the people/situation involved in that experience need.
I will always be grateful for my mom for teaching me this ability at such an early age, but if you think this was what shaped my life, you couldn’t be far from the truth! Without realising, my mother was teaching me the most beautiful lesson I could’ve asked for: to have nothing but love for myself. Easy, right? You may be wondering “What does this have to do with coming out”? Everything! It will be needed to understand the following.
I had a long straight relationship in my teenage years and I was extremely happy. When that relationship ended, I took some quiet time to rebuild my confidence and to feel myself again. A year or so after that, I left my apartment in Porto (where I was studying) and headed to my hometown for a well deserved month of holidays from University. During this time, I realised I was missing a person in a different way. This other person was a boy. As I always do, I stopped and “observed” those emotions. There was never space for the usual self-doubt, guilt or hatred oftentimes described in coming out stories.
I believe it was the ultimate test to my mom’s lesson.
I was interested in a boy and it just felt natural. The exact same way I felt with a girl. There was nothing to accept about it. If you are reading this (queer or not), I just want you to take this away with you: THERE’S NOTHING FOR YOU TO ACCEPT! Accepting has a dual meaning attached to it: accepting VS not accepting. There’s no such duality in Love. You are simply writing your own story and I always see love as the language of every soul. Never deny it. If you are a parent, always educate your children to embrace love without even questioning it. We would never be using the words “Coming Out” again…
Thankfully, this first same-sex passion (don’t even know how to call it!) never really flourished, which gave me the opportunity to meet the person who would add a completely different meaning to love: Bruno. Based on everything you’ve read so far, you can imagine that within me all of this was lived peacefully and naturally. It couldn’t be any different!!
I know, I know, you are probably questioning how it went when I shared it with friends, family and others around me. Unsurprisingly, in the exact same way! I didn’t make it a big thing (as no-one should!) and I simply started introducing Bruno as my boyfriend to my friends and family. Most of the time, what we got from the receiving end were happy tears and hugs for finally seeing us both happy and in love. On the other hand, less frequently, I heard “Are you sure about this?”…
Strangely, out of everyone, the way my mother found out I was dating Bruno, was the most unnatural one.
My mom and my sister were living in France while I was studying in Porto. Bruno and I had only been dating for a few weeks, when I went to visit them and finally decided to share it with my sister as I couldn’t keep all this happiness to myself. However, I didn’t want to tell my mom yet. Not because she wouldn’t accept it or because I was ashamed or anything like that. Simply because we were in an early stage of our relationship and we were still figuring out where it would take us.
One day, I was texting my sister and we were discussing how things were going. Suddenly I get a “Wait, are you in a relationship with Bruno?”, followed by “Why didn’t you tell me? You don’t need to hide or be scared of me. I love you”. So, if you’re reading this mommy, I was never afraid of you, the same way you taught me not to be afraid of anyone. It just felt it was too soon.
I always had a very strict policy in my life: I only welcome to my life those who bring joy and love. If you don’t have this within yourself, you are certainly not able to add this to anyone’s life. Therefore, this is not the right bubble for you. Since I genuinely live this way, “coming out” was extremely easy. I never doubted I would only receive love. The rest? It’s just that. The rest.
Because of everything I shared above, it is extremely hard to recall a single moment where I felt truly happy in my own skin. What I know for sure, is that I am the happiest while I am travelling the World. Where I can connect with others and nature in such a unique way, also because no one knows me, which leads to no preconceived ideas about me. There’s no attachment, no capes and no ego. There’s love, excitement and innocence. And that’s me.
I am extremely grateful to be able to share this story and for having such a privileged life. There was never a rebirth, a rebrand or a rediscovery. There’s hardly any “re”’s in my life. I AM all of my experiences, phases and shapes. This is the beauty of life.
You can follow Rui’s journey on Instagram @our_parallel_universe_