COMING OUT STORY - SOFIA & EMMA
SOFIA
I have always felt just a little bit different, which is why I think my coming out story is a little different from what is typically seen online and in the media.
Growing up, I didn’t have much interest in dating, and I actually found the whole idea quite bizarre. I used to look at my classmates who had boyfriends and girlfriends in the 6th grade and think…What the heck is that about? My mom and most people I knew would describe me as aloof, so I began to think that maybe that was why I was a little different from everyone.
As I grew up, this didn’t change much. At university, most of my friends were in relationships but I stayed single, mostly getting lost in an imaginary world of escapism and Pinterest boards all based around living a simple life surrounded by nature, always on my own.
Even though my family is Italian and pretty traditional, I never really cared about that. My mom was very loving with my brother and I. She taught us that love is unconditional. In a way, I always thought of myself as queer.
I did get curious and in a way, I just wanted to feel normal, so I took to dating apps. I always kept my options open to both males and females. I went on dates, dated men and women, but a lot of it just didn’t feel right so I lost interest. I always felt like there was a thick glass wall between them and I, something just didn’t click. I felt that maybe I needed to pick, men or women.
I started thinking that maybe there was something wrong with me, but thanks to social media and some very open and incredible people I met along the way, I found the terminology that seemed to describe what I was going through and I started feeling pretty comfortable with the idea that I was Pansexual. I realised that I could be attracted to both genders but that it was not a determining factor in my attraction to others. I was just looking for the right person, which sounds so corny but I can’t think of a better way to describe it.
When I met my current partner, a cis gender woman, it felt right. She was just the right person for me.
In summary, I never actually came out to my parents, I never sat them down and told them I was gay or queer. One day my mom asked me if I was seeing anyone and I said that I had met a girl I really liked. Very anticlimactic, pretty boring stuff. I know I am privileged in that I never doubted that my mom wouldn’t treat me differently or wouldn't accept me. She had raised me to think openly and that’s what I did.
With that said, I always knew that I wouldn't care if my family had an issue with me, I grew up with a queer sibling who had no intention or interest in hiding who they were. So all in all, I had a great example. I do want to encourage everyone to engage with the idea that you don’t owe anyone a ‘coming out’, you are you and living your life in fear of others or pretending to be someone you’re not, just doesn’t seem like a good use of your valuable time.
EMMA
I have always known that I was attracted to girls. Even though it all felt natural as a child, as I was growing up I started having the impression that I was different and it took me a long time to accept it and accept myself as I am. I was scared that telling people would make things awkward; that people would start seeing me differently, that it would affect my relationship with my family or my coworkers.
Growing up, I became more aware of the LGBTQIA+ community and I started seeing more representation which really helped in making me feel safe and good about myself. Seeing that I was not alone gave me the confidence to accept myself slowly.
In my first year of uni, I started telling close friends that I knew would not react any differently towards me, and seeing that people were still acting normally around me, made me safe enough to talk about it casually with bigger circles of friends.
However, it took me a bit longer to tell my family. I knew they would accept me, but for some reason I was still worried of causing disappointment. Disappointing my family was, and still is, my biggest fear.
In my mid-twenties, I reached a point where I felt that I was constantly lying and hiding from them; that weight was heavier day by day. I decided to let them in and to come out. I first started with my sister, as we’ve always been very close and I knew she would be supportive no matter what. She then convinced me to come out to my parents fairly recently.
I am so lucky and grateful that my family was very accepting and supportive of me. I am now out and proud. I am tired of hiding, tired of lying and pretending to be someone else and adapting to whoever I am talking to. I’ve learned that we can’t please everyone and those who don’t accept me, well, that’s their problem, not mine. They are not worth me stressing over and changing my whole personality so they can be more comfortable.
You can follow Sofia & Emma’s journey on Instagram @emxsofi