COMING OUT STORY - TERESA & MAFALDA
TERESA
Just to provide some context, I always studied in private Catholic schools, for about 15 years. When I used to play with Barbies, there were Barbies that were with Kens, there was a Ken that was with an Action Man, and two Barbies that were together. It's funny, but even though there were zero conversations about this in school, on television, and even in my family, I always had a strong awareness that this was a reality and, to me, a normalcy. But I didn't know that one day I could fall in love with a woman. I guess I simply never considered it. I remember having crushes, but I thought it was just a strong friendship.
At the age of 15, I started dating a guy, and we stayed together until I was 24. And then suddenly, I met a girl I started talking to, and it sparked some curiosity in me. That's when I realised that I also liked women.
From there, the process wasn't easy. It took me several months to accept myself, to fit my dreams into this new reality. I needed to know that nothing I had dreamed of or desired would be impossible to achieve. I wanted to have a close-knit family, close friends, be a leader at work, achieve my professional ambitions, get married, have children, become an aunt and a grandmother. It was a process that involved a lot of research and self-help. Unfortunately, I didn't have the courage to verbalise my feelings and what was going on in order to seek help and support.
After going through this process, I told my best friend. I felt that confiding in her would provide me with the help I needed, and maybe I could hear the words I needed. I never used the word "lesbian" (it was still difficult for me). I didn't view the word positively, as I had always heard it being used negatively. She reacted with complete normalcy and asked if I had a girlfriend, just as casually.
Coming out to my mother wasn't easy, but it went pretty much as I had imagined it would. I took her out for dinner, explored the topic for a while, and when I finally told her, she didn't say a single word and didn't look at me throughout the entire dinner, not even when I was speaking. I felt like she was rejecting me and hating me in that moment. I felt a tremendous sense of rejection that left some wounds. We didn't speak for 1 or 2 months after that moment.
The rest of the family was more natural about it, but it wasn't a strong support, not the kind I needed at that moment.
With time, and the gradual acceptance of my mother and the normalisation of my relationship with Mafalda by the whole family, we built our stability. First with unconditional support from each other, then we moved in together, bought a house, and got married. Now, our families adore us and proudly share our happiness. And after the process I went through with my mother, I must conclude by saying that today, she's the one asking me when we're having children, she's the one telling me how much she loves Mafalda, and how much she enjoyed our wedding.
My advice for those who are struggling to get through the process, or who are still very afraid to start it, is that no matter how many obstacles you encounter along the way, be certain that one day you will be exactly where you want to be. It's important to have strength, not to give up, and above all, to understand that, just like us, our mothers/fathers/grandparents also need their time to process things, they need to do their own coming out (every time they tell friends and family that their daughter has a girlfriend, or is getting married, or is having a child). It's important to understand that they need time to absorb all the information and adjust the dreams they had also envisioned for us.
The first time I felt profoundly happy was at my wedding. I felt that every clap, hug, or kiss meant "I'm with you, and I love you unconditionally". I felt an inexplicable strength and a love that is impossible to describe.
MAFALDA
When did you realize you were also attracted to people of the same sex?
It's something difficult to explain because it's a feeling, but in the initial phase, I would say it was when I noticed I felt curious when I watched TV shows or movies (the very few that existed) featuring women couples. Later, I realized that I truly had an attraction to women, just like anyone feels for another person, regardless of their gender.
How was the process of accepting this within yourself?
I tried to connect with more LGBTQ+ people to understand that I wasn't alone and that there were others who might not be attracted to the opposite gender either.
How was your coming out? Who did you tell first? And why?
I first told my closest friends, those I knew would support me. Only after a few years, when Teresa and I were already in a serious relationship, did I decide to tell my sister and my parents. I needed my sister's support because I knew I wouldn't get the reaction I hoped for from my parents. I can say that my coming out wasn't as complicated as unfortunately many can be, but I also didn't get the reaction I wished for. A mother isn't supposed to cry with sadness upon learning that her daughter is happy .
What were your fears and uncertainties during this process?
When I fell in love with a woman for the first time, I knew I wouldn't suppress that feeling, but for several years, I thought I would live a secret life. Firstly, because my parents and family didn't know, and secondly because at that time, even in 2014, there was hardly any open discussion on the topic. So, I was afraid of being marginalized by society.
Do you have any piece of advice for other people who may be going through the same?
Never give up on your happiness, even if it seems impossible at times. Talk to the people you feel will support you because that gives you more strength to face any challenges that might arise. The truth is, I went from living my life in secret to having met the love of my life (7 years together, 1 year of marriage) and having everyone supporting my relationship. A few years ago, I was certain this would never happen .
What is the first memory you have of feeling truly happy in your own skin?
Without a doubt, getting married was the moment I realized I truly had everyone's support, from friends to family. Even though everyone already knew about me and dealt with it calmly, it was beautiful to have 140 people witnessing our love, applauding it, smiling with happiness, and shedding tears of emotion for all the beautiful moments on that day.
You can follow Teresa & Mafalda’s journey on Instagram @twotravellingwives